Sunshine

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After the longest winter I can remember, warmth and sunshine break through the never-ending clouds and cold. What a difference the sunshine makes.

Yesterday, in the driving rain, I debated with my daughter whether this country is just too chilly these days. Her view: “This may be the safest country in the world but it is much to cold and wet – really!”

“Yes” I agreed “but we’d miss the seasons if it were always hot – and we’d be eaten by the bugs and the wildlife.” “Hmmm” she said.

This winter has been hard and has set me thinking about my autumn years. How many more long cold grinding winters like this do I want to endure? And rattling about the house doesn’t help.

Should I quit my job and do something different? Aspects are a ball ache, but a lot of it is perfect. I can’t really imagine a much better job in all honesty. Hmmm.

Should I set about fixing our house. It’s pretty chilly, pretty untidy, most stuff’s not where we want it and there’s a thousand and one things I could mend. Hmmm.

Should I write a book – or wait, it’ll give me something to do in a decade or two. But I might peg it before I’ve even got started. Should I start right away? Hmmm.

Should I, should I… Or should I go and sit in the garden, on a kitchen chair, soak up some sunlight and do nothing at all? Well not much anyway, just tap on an iPhone screen.

That’ll do. Simple is best. Sunshine, it’s a wonderful thing.

Physics

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I’ve just spent the weekend at @CERN – home, among other things, to the biggest physics experiment on earth, the Large Hadron Collider (above).

It’s quite a place. Much like a campus university; a jumble of blocks and walkways, carparks, corridors and doors of many ages, styles and states of repair. But the scale and precision of what is done underground is uniformly cutting edge.

Take the equivalent in matter of one hair from your head, accelerate it to the speed of light through four vast machines built over five decades. Then inject it one hundred metres underground into the coldest most magnetic 27km circuit in the known universe.

Then do the same again. Inject it in the opposite direction. Smash the two hairs’ worth together in a beam no wider than those hairs. Catch the debris in two enormous detectors. And there you have the LHC. Simple.

CERN also produces antimatter. But at a rate which would take a billion years or so to produce one gram. And ‘paff’ each batch, painstaking produced, vaporises in an invisible ‘ping’ of energy in less than ten minutes. So no risk of annihilating the planet just yet.

But what was even more impressive than the huge tunnels, control rooms, detecters and machines, is the the people.

They visibly share a common purpose to go beyond what is known. They have nurtured a spirit of endeavour which has constantly to push technology and techniques way what’s currently thought possible. And they manifest an ethos of genuine teamwork and collaboration, uniting staff and researchers from over 100 countries.

All that underpinned by a shared respect for science and the scientific method – and it must be said some very very large public funding.

If you wanted to imagine an idealist’s world where people of all nations come together to advance the sum of human knowledge and achievement; stop imagining and go visit. It exists, on an ‘international’ patch of land between the French Jura and the Swiss Alps.

But what’s also nice is not everyone is a particle physicist – most are engineers. I met a young Danish marine engineer in the control room who explained you have to be able to fix anything on a boat – which is the ideal training for looking after a particle accelerator!

So you don’t have to be Albert Einstein to have a thrilling career in physics. And here’s a nice story I read in the New Scientist on the flight home, from the physicist Leonard Susskind, on his tussle with his father over practicality versus physics:

I did not come from an academic background. My father was a smart man, but he had a 5th-grade education. He and all his friends were plumbers. They were all born around 1905, in great poverty in New York City, and had to go to work when they were 12 or 13 years old. But sitting around the kitchen in our house, they had all sorts of interesting conversations. There was a funny intellectuality to them.

I went to college because my father thought that I should learn engineering, because he wanted to go into the heating business with me. There I realised I wanted to be a physicist. I had to tell him, which was a somewhat traumatic experience.

For months I had been trying to figure out how to tell him. One day I drove over to his house. This is emblazoned in my memory: it was a terrible, terrible feeling.

He had a plumbing shop in the basement, and was there cutting pipe for the next day’s job. I went down and said, “I’m not going to be an engineer.” He got upset. Though he almost never used bad language, he said, “What the fuck are you going to be? A ballet dancer?”

I said, “No, I want to be a physicist.” He said, “No, you ain’t gonna work in no drugstore.” I said, “No, no, a physicist, not a pharmacist.” And then I can’t remember the exact conversation, but I do remember the magic word was “Einstein”. I said I wanted to do what Einstein did. That just shocked him.

Something snapped, and he decided right then and there that that is what I had to do. That was the end of it. From then on, my father tried very hard to learn a little about physics.

Dads and their lads eh. But what a great story of a father’s love for his son conquering all. Physics, it’s a beautiful thing.

Hmmm

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Half me, half her.
Qualities mine, faults hers.
Hmmm.
Some things about him aren’t either of us?

Ok.
Quarter her folks, quarter mine.
Makes sense.
Hang on a bit,
Her folks aren’t all bad.
Some of his qualities might be theirs?

Ok.
One eighth my paternal grandparents,
One eighth my my mum’s parents
Hmmm.
Right old mix there.

The truth dawns.
He’s not half me, half her.
He’s one hundred percent him.
Unique.
A joy.
A beam of sunlight in our lives.
But his talents and shortcomings are all his own.

Mixed results for the boy at school this week. Some parental adjustment and effort required. But the big penny which is dropping, is letting go of the ‘me’ in him and truly embracing him.

Not hard – he is wonderful. But he is ‘he’, not a mini me.

Winter

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A bit like being winded by a whack in the solar plexus, this poem takes the wind out of your sails – and leaves you gasping.

Clive James’s wit and humour of have always been rapier sharp. But here, his acute observations on his own chronic decline are both a curse and a redemption.

If I appear to be on a morbid streak, I’m not really. But this interminable winter has made me reflect on the seasons of life. I’m ready for another spring in my summer years, so good the sun’s out today.

Holding Court

Retreating from the world, all I can do
Is build a new world, one demanding less
Acute assessments. Too deaf to keep pace
With conversation, I don’t try to guess
At meanings, or unpack a stroke of wit,
But just send silent signals with my face
That claim I’ve not succumbed to loneliness
And might be ready to come in on cue.
People still turn towards me where I sit.

I used to notice everything, and spoke
A language full of details that I’d seen,
And people were amused; but now I see
Only a little way. What can they mean,
My phrases? They come drifting like the mist
I look through if someone appears to be
Smiling in my direction. Have they been?
This was the time when I most liked to smoke.
My watch-band feels too loose around my wrist.

My body, sensitive in every way
Save one, can still proceed from chair to chair,
But in my mind the fires are dying fast.
Breathe through a scarf. Steer clear of the cold air.
Think less of love and all that you have lost.
You have no future so forget the past.
Let this be no occasion for despair.
Cherish the prison of your waning day.
Remember liberty, and what it cost.

Be pleased that things are simple now, at least,
As certitude succeeds bewilderment.
The storm blew out and this is the dead calm.
The pain is going where the passion went.
Few things will move you now to lose your head
And you can cause, or be caused, little harm.
Tonight you leave your audience content:
You were the ghost they wanted at the feast,
Though none of them recalls a word you said.

CLIVE JAMES
(First published in the Times Literary Supplement)

Small Pleasures

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Today the email system at work catastrophically collapsed. Ironic that, as we were at an Away-day discussing our digital strategy. Ho hum.

I bumped into one of my team on returning to the office. He commented on the crash in connectivity and then laughed:

“You’re trying to find something positive to say aren’t you.”

“Yes; and I can’t.” I admitted.

And so with a rueful chuckle I donned my jacket and pedalled home nice and early. And what a delight…

Tea time with the kids, leftover spuds hoovered, dishwasher packed, lamb and aubergine in the oven, a happy boy abed and read to with gusto, red wine in a glass, sparkling teeth and three kisses from a delighted daughter and now time to sit down – and all before the News!

Small pleasures indeed – but a break in the breakneck speed of ‘always on’ connectivity and an extra 45 minutes at home, brings myriad small benefits. I left this morning feeling blue, now I’m in the pink. Perhaps I should cut the connection more often…

But literally just as I finish these words, the server’s back. ‘You have unread mails’ – the joy and curse of 21st century life.